The Lost Children of Suburbia

Welcome to the Lost Children of Suburbia:


A charity that benefits the victims of “Tough Love” parenting…

Hello. My name is Jacques Tourdet, CEO of Lost Children of Suburbia, a 501c3 non-profit organization:


 In the 1980’s, Ronald Reagan convinced an entire generation of parents that they didn’t have to take care of their children if they didn’t like them. Thus, for a variety of reasons, millions of suburban children were expelled from their homes and cut off from parental support at the tender age of 18. Some were cut off because they were practitioners of alternative lifestyles, and others because of political conflicts.

“It’s for their own good,” the parents said, “They’ll thank us later!”


Well, it has been 30 years since the 1980’s. These kids are now in their late twenties and early thirties, and it is clear that Tough Love was NOT for their own good. In fact, it seems as if Tough Love only benefited one party: Irresponsible conservative parents.

Take the story of Sandy Junkins, for instance:


Sandy was kicked out of his house at the age of 17 because his parents disagreed with his alternative herbal medicinal needs. Forced to live on the streets of New Orleans, Sandy soon became addicted to crack-cocaine. Within a few years of living on his own, he decided to end his own life.

Emergency Medical Technicians were able to revive Sandy from his Percocet and vodka induced slumber. But even though they were able to heal his body, they could never heal his psychological wounds. When Sandy’s parents came to visit him in the hospital, it wasn’t to apologize for their negligence as parents. It was to inform him that, due to his recent suicide attempt, they had decided to take out a life insurance policy on him, naming themselves the beneficiaries. I guess they figured that betting on their son’s demise was a good investment.

While Sandy’s wealthy conservative parents play golf, drive luxury cars, and eat caviar, Sandy lives in run-down tenements, sometimes eating cat food for supper, and smoking whatever he can find on the ground. He has been denied the opportunities that benefit those suburban children who choose to conform to their parent’s values. He has been denied the education, capital investment, political influence, and nepotism that his peers have gotten from their parents.



Cases like these may seem extreme to you, but here at Lost Children of Suburbia, we see them every day. Conservatives may disagree with abortion, but they have no problem aborting their support of their kids at age 18, after horribly scarring them with Christian neo-conservative brainwashing.

At Lost Children of Suburbia, we call this “The Psychopathology of the Suburbs”. What this means is simple: rich suburbanites think that if they put a brick wall up in front of the ghetto, then that ghetto doesn’t exist. That’s not taking responsibility. That’s called ‘living in a fantasy world’, AKA full-blown dementia.

Well, the rich suburbanites may not see you, hidden ghetto, but we do. Because here at Lost Children of Suburbia, we care about abandoned conservative children. A donation of as little as $5 could help children like Sandy afford healthcare, education, and weed.


Please, donate today!