Vote for Me!


Vote for me for President
You won’t have to pay no rent
You don’t have to face reality
We’ll just kill everybody that doesn’t agree
With US
World Domination or Bust

Vote for me for President
I’ll represent your selfishness
Responsibility I’ll help you shirk
We’ll make the third world do all our work
Vote for me and I’ll make you rich
You won’t have to dig that ditch
You won’t have to lift a finger
When we hit them with our stinger
Hear that baby flesh sizzle!

Vote for me for President
We’ll spend it all till its all been spent
Vote for me and I’ll make you see
Diplomacy is for wussies
Fuck those stupid ass pussies

You don’t have to swallow any bitter pills
Just vote for me and things will be chill
I’ll promise you each a $100 bill
Hope you don’t mind the people I kill
I’ll make promises to change your mind until
I assume power and devour your freedom
People of the world I’ll rob em and beat em
Making lots of money off tax
Mad pork barrel contracts

Vote for me!  Vote for me!

Don’t you know you wanna vote for me?

Vote for me!  Vote for me!

It’s a matter of national security

Vote for me because its in your best interest
Wouldn’t you rather be homeless and friendless?
You will think the breadline’s endless
If you vote for me, you are screwed
After the election we don’t give a fuck about you
We only work for ourselves
because we only care about ourselves


Britney: Another american symbol, rotted and decayed



Sometimes, people ask me what I think of Britney Spears.

The truth is, I’ve tried my damnedest NOT to know anything about her.  In vain, I’m afraid.  Before I say anything about the Britney drama, I must first point out that phony news issues like this only serve to distract us from what is really going on in the world.  We obsess over celebrity follies while completely ignoring the atrocities of social justice happening all around us, and it speaks poorly of our intelligence that the mainstream media would be able to distract us so easily.

But still, there are the symbolic, philosophical ramifications of Britney’s demise, and they haunt me.  And so, I must express them here.

I was eighteen years old in 1999, when Britney hit the scene with “Oops, I Did It Again”.  My first thought, upon seeing the buxom young blond in her skimpy schoolgirl uniform was “there goes mainstream music.”

You see, ten years before, in 1989, the Republican media machine was making a tidy profit selling crappy music with hairspray and Spandex.  But by the early 90’s, hairspray and Spandex were out of style, so people quit buying what the Republican media machine was doling out.  That slick, corporate, pop-star image no longer appealed to the general public, due mainly to the fact that the public had grown out of the fashion associated with said image.  This gave the liberal, grassroots rock community an opportunity to steal the spotlight for a few years while the Republican media machine shut down and re-tooled.

Thus, in the 1990’s, MTV was full of dirty, grungy, punk rockers that said: “Fuck the system, Question Authority, etc…”  They may not have been pretty, but at least they were real.  I myself quite enjoyed this period of American culture.

But, eventually, the pendulum swung back, and the other shoe dropped like we all knew it would.  The conservative media machine emerged from its focus groups and marketing research with a new media darling.  Britney Spears came out, and it appeared that the Republican media machine once again had found the right fashion and style that would sell crappy music and family values effectively.  Right then and there, I knew it was over.

How could we compete with this All-American pedophile’s dream?  Britney Spears became the new Mickey Mouse and Coca-Cola.  American GIs put her pin-up above their bunk, so they could be reminded of what they fought for.  Little girls aspired to be her.  And cheerleaders danced to her music at every high school football game.

Britney Spears became the symbol of All-American Family Values.  She convinced us that the world is beautiful and everyone is rich.  Ain’t life just peachy fucking kean?  Lets sweep all our troubles under the rug and sit down in front of the TV watching Britney Spears.  And with all the right corporate, media and political connections, Britney and her clone-spawn soon completely took over the air waves.

So, I said goodbye to good music on MTV and radio.  I retreated to my private, little world of mixtapes and CD’s and pirated MP3’s.  I kept the TV and radio turned off.  It was a kind of cultural hibernation.  It was as if I buried my head in sand and said to the person next to me: “Wake me up when punk rock is popular again.”  Like some tormented vampire in an Ann Rice novel, I slept below the earth, trying to deny to myself that this was happening to my country.

Now, almost ten years later, the blaring drone of TMZ has woken me from my slumber.  It seems Britney ain’t doing so well.  She’s cracked out, neglecting her kids, and going through a brutal divorce.

My first impulse was to feel bad for Britney and what the media and paparazzi were doing to her.  But then I remembered who I was feeling sorry for.  I realized the poetic justice of it: Britney Spears ruined mainstream media, and now the mainstream media is ruining her.

Many thoughts occurred to me concerning the iconic nature of Britney, and how she is yet another American Dream turned nightmare, yet another naive ideal that did not pan out in reality.  Britney Spears is just another symbol of Republican hypocrisy.  Another case of the false advertising, bait and switch scam.  Innocent schoolgirl today, whore tomorrow.

Lets examine the business side of this.  Britney Spears is not just a person.  Britney Spears is a media empire, a corporate mechanism, and a social network.  She employs dozens, if not hundreds of people.  Producers to make her sound good, composers to write her songs, studio musicians to play the music, studio executives, lawyers, marketing people, graphic artists to airbrush the zits out of her photos…  the list goes on and on.  When you consider the paparazzi, ticket scalpers, and memorabilia speculators, there must be thousands of people drawing a paycheck from her face and name.

Now, the corporate component of this huge machine is doing just fine.  The products are all out on the shelves; the marketing is in place.  All the contracts have been signed and filed.  Everybody’s paychecks are clearing because the American people run out and buy whatever the TV tells them to.  The corporate structure of this business venture could go on for a hundred years if it weren’t for one thing:

The human component of this corporate machine, Britney herself, is completely burned out and fried.  She can’t take the stress of being a living fantasy, the cognitive dissonance caused by being one person in the media and a completely different person in reality.  The corporate mechanism built up around her puts her to the grindstone, trying to make her into an ideal that no human being could possibly live up to.  So then she started smoking crack, and she flipped out, man!

But isn’t that how all our jobs are?  The demise of Britney Spears is just further evidence that the corporate mechanism is toxic to humanity.  We are all jammed, by the ‘captains of industry’ into uniforms that don’t quite fit us.  And after ten hours of telling people I despise to have a nice day, I could use a hit from the pipe myself.  Because even though the corporate machine tells me that humanity is well-mannered, tailored, and morally upright, my soul tells me something different.  The fire inside wants to express my humanity as dirty and debaucherous.  They label me as a derelict, by I think they are just naive and living in an impossible dream.

It seems the American dream has failed again.  Mickey Mouse was created by a Nazi.  Coca-Cola is a toxic substance that rots your teeth, destroys your metabolism,  and dissolves your internal organs.  The Coca-Cola company has union leaders assassinated in South America.   Britney Spears has been reduced to a cokewhore, selling sex on network TV so that she can maintain her high-flying lifestyle.  The quasi-capitalist system marches on.

I can’t help but watch all this and laugh maniacally, feeling vindicated in my belief from the start that Britney was just as much a fraud as Larry Craig.  She is symbolic of every preacher’s daughter that turns out to be a skank, every Ku Klux Klan leader’s son that turned out to be gay.  She is every child that gets aborted by its conservative parents at age 18, because it didn’t turn out quite the way they wanted.  She is every ritalin-baby turned junkie.  She is the nuclear human waste of the Republican empire.

Capitalism bent Britney Spears over and fucked her raw dog, then turned her out to all his homies.  Soon she’ll be broke, and then she’ll die, probably of a drug overdose like Anna Nicole.  But that’s OK.  The corporate mechanism marches on.  They can always just build a media empire around someone else; there are plenty of rednecks where Britney came from.  To a corporation, humanity is a limitless resource, and thus has very little value.  Always remember that the consequences of consumerism created Britney.  Everything she did, she only did to compete.

The Republican version of the American dream is just like Britney, Mickey, and Coca-cola.  It looks cute and innocent, but its really a bigoted fascist trying to brainwash you.  It looks sexually attractive, but it quickly turns into a cracked out whore after you’ve married it.  It tastes sweet in your mouth, but destroys your health.  And ultimately, like Britney’s musical career, the corporate conservative version of the American dream will one day collapse, and for the same reason: it has no substance or purpose behind it.  And it produces a pile of garbage that no one ultimately wants.

And so, the fundamental conflict between image and reality has finally come to light again, and the conservatives have been discredited again.  Hopefully, the 2008 election will reflect this.  How can those conservative politicians expect Americans to buy into their perfect little model image when the reality is that our symbols have become decayed and our society is falling apart?  There is lead in the gold and its starting to show.

Sometimes, people ask me what I think of Britney Spears.

I think she’s a human being trapped inside of a machine that tries to mold her into something she was never intended to be.

But aren’t we all?

And so I leave you with these bitchin’ Subhumans lyrics:

“Mickey Mouse Is Dead”

Mickey Mouse is dead
Got kicked in the head
Cause people got too serious
They planned out what they said
They couldn’t take the fantasy
They tried to accept reality
Analyzed the laughs
Cause pleasure comes in halves
The purity of comedy
They had to take it seriously
Changed the words around
Tried to make it look profound
The comedian is on stage
Pisstaking for a wage
The critics think he’s great
But the laughter turns to hate
Mickey Mouse is on T.V.
And the kids stare at the screen
But the pictures are all black and white
And the words don’t mean a thing
Cause Mummy’s got no money
And Daddy is in jail
He couldn’t afford the license
She couldn’t afford the bail
The kids out in the road
Their minds have all gone cold
Cause Mickey Mouse is dead
They shot him through the head
With ignorance and scorn
They believed in something new
They read the papers watched the films
And they thought they new the truth
But reality deceives
Whatever you believe
There’s always another idea
And theirs is based on fear
The fear of being sussed
For what you really are
The fear of being laughed at
When you go too far
They call it paranoia
You can laugh it away
Until you come to realize
That everyone’s the same
People hide their problems
Under faces of contempt
They hide them ’til it kills them
And no one is exempt
Not even you
Look what you done to Mickey Mouse

The Bible is the Warren Report of the Roman Empire

(This was originally published on Easter, but is always applicable)

Well it was Easter this weekend.  I totally forgot about this until Sunday, when I went to do my grocery shopping for the week at my small town grocery store.  I thought it was odd that the parking lot was totally empty and the lights were off.  Then I noticed a sign on the front door that said: “Closed.  Happy Easter.”

Happy Easter…  unless you can’t get any any FOOD!  WTF?

OK, first let me preface this rant by saying that I am a great admirer of Jesus Christ.  I think he was a great guy, I have a lot of respect for his personal philosophy, and I seek to emulate his behavior in my own life.

However, even though Christ himself was awesome, the religion that mankind has built around his legacy is complete and utter garbage.  This is so apparent in the holiday that Christians call Easter.  I mean, the whole thing is just a slap in the face to everything Jesus stood for.  They took his assassination and made it a fucking holiday, what a bad, tasteless joke.  And the whole thing is CRUX to Christians, because this is the event that gets them off the hook for all their own sins, evil, and lies.

Once, a Christian asked me if I feared the “coming judgment” of Christ.  I said no, because I am innocent.  To which the Christian responded: “No one is innocent until they have been washed clean by the blood of Christ.”

So let me get this straight here:  You bathe in the blood of your God’s dead son, and you think that this somehow makes you clean?  That is some fucked up, twisted shit!  I know Satanists whose ideas are a lot less perverted than that!  But that is the way a lot of Christian people think.  The crux of their philosophy is, basically: “Some guy died 2,000 years ago so that I can be an asshole today.”  Here’s an idea: instead of performing these empty rituals in order to convince yourself that you are forgiven for your sins, why not try to actually BE A GOOD PERSON?  In other words, WWJD?

I mean seriously, to take a good person like Jesus and basically make him responsible for all the world’s sin and lies is just sick.  The whole thing is just a huge cop out for the bad behavior of humanity.  I mean, how the Hell does it logically follow that Jesus’s execution absolves humanity of its sins?  I mean, God’s son comes to visit Earth, the locals pop him off, and that somehow gets them OUT of trouble?  If anything, I would think it would be the other way around!  This “Jesus died for you” shit sounds to me like an excuse that was concocted by Jesus’s murderers.  1800 years ago, the Roman government handed down the proclamation:

“Jesus died for you.”

Don’t you mean that YOU KILLED JESUS FOR ME?

“No,” they say, “That had to happen.  Wasn’t our choice.”

Bullshit.  Jesus didn’t die for me, he lived for me, until a bunch of assholes had him killed.  Don’t try to paint over the truth with his blood.  The Bible is the Warren Report of the Roman Empire: Its the story of Jesus Christ as told by the same government that had him whacked.

And when they compiled the bible 200 years later, they took all the texts written about Jesus that supported their world view and made them canonical.  Then they took all the texts that were incendiary, or revolutionary, or inconvenient to Roman rule, anything that would have opened peoples’ minds and made them harder to control, they took all that shit and burned it.  And anyone that tried to keep copies of those documents for preservation, they executed.  How Christian.

And what does the Christian bible imply about God?  I’d say it implies that he was a pretty ineffective ruler.  Have you ever read the Old Testament?  Is it just me, or does God kind of come off as an asshole in that thing?  He was always smiting people and handing down these ridiculous and impossible-to-follow rules…  What a dick!

“Don’t have sex with more than one person at a time, don’t steal, don’t kill,” says God.

“But God,” you say, “Why did you give me a mind and body that wants to fuck everything that moves?  Why did you put so much wealth in the hands of psychotic assholes who by their insensitive actions beg to be killed and robbed?”

“I didn’t do that,” says God, “Satan did.”

“Well who created Satan, asshole?”

Seriously, if Satan really does exist, I feel sorry for him.  It seems to me as though he was a scapegoat for all of God’s mistakes.  But then God had a son, and now Jesus fills the role of scapegoat.  So basically, God gave Jesus Satan’s crappy job.

I would say that the Bible implies that God was a pretty shitty parent.

“Hey, Son, its about time you started to pick up your end of the family business.  You see, I created this guy named Satan a while back.  He got a little out of control and now things are all screwed up.  Would you please kill him for me?  Oh yeah, and I also created all these humans on a planet called Earth.  Satan got up in there and corrupted them, and now the place is a total mess.  Would you please go down there and clean all that shit up?”

Basically, I think that Christianity implies that children only exist to serve their parents.  No wonder Christians are such shitty parents: look at the example they have to go by!  They worship a God who killed his only son as some kind of sacrifice so that the world’s population can continue its orgy of killing, greed, and sin.  What does Christianity imply about parenting?  “Have a bunch of kids and put them to work on your farm.”  What a bunch of self indulgent bullshit.  This is what people mean when they say that Christians are “socially backwards”.  They believe that youth exists to serve age, when really it should be the other way around.

Look at the holiday of Lent.  You’re supposed to fast, and then Easter comes along and you can eat again!  Why?  Because after a short period of self-denial in tribute to him, Jesus is finally dead now, and we can all go back to being assholes again!  Yay!  The bosses’ kid is gone!  Lets throw a party on the company dime!

The whole thing is just disgusting and hypocritical, and I…  just can’t take it any more.

Marriage is Unconstitutional!

Thomas Jefferson once wrote: “Truth can stand on its own, but error needs the support of government to stand.” I think this sums up how I feel about marriage. True love can stand on its own, but a toxic relationship needs the support of government, financial, and religious institutions to stand.

I believe that a relationship should be between two or more people and perhaps God, if one were so inclined to believe in such things.  Marriage destroys the sacred intimacy of a relationship by dragging the entire community into it, including family, organized religion, government, and even financial institutions.  The next time I cavort with my lover, should I make her sign a contract indicating this is voluntary?  Should I get written permission from her parents?  Should I have a priest bless the prophylactic?  Should I call my bank and tell them to add another person to my account?

I think marriage comes when a relationship is at the end of its rope: when someone needs a system of artificial religious, legal, social, and financial punishments to keep themselves entangled in a relationship.  How many loveless marriages are allowed to stand, simply because neither party involved wants to settle for half?  Or for the sake of children, society, and interior decoration?  How many marriages were initiated to keep one person in the relationship happy, simply because that person has been brainwashed since childhood to think that slavery is romantic?

Every bit of legal savvy I have inside me resists the very idea of signing a non-negotiable contract, the terms of which were created a million years ago by some pedophilic religious homos for the purpose of enslaving people to a false standard of morality.  All contracts should be negotiable, but this is rarely the case when it’s a lowly individual doing business with a giant organization.  Too often we are told to take it or leave it, whether you are buying a car, renting an apartment, or getting married.  We all sign the same marriage contract just like we all sign the same lease agreement.  A contract between two lowly individuals should be negotiable, but marriage is a contract not just between two individuals, but also their religion and their government, and the inclusion of the last two severely restricts the bargaining power of any individual involved.

Some people think the government should acknowledge gay marriage.  I say, shame on the government for acknowledging ANY marriage.  It should be a religious institution and nothing more.  The First Amendment to the Constitution states: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”  Well then, what the fuck are the laws governing marriage?  Giving tax breaks to married couples encourages religious behavior, thus discouraging irreligious behavior.  Is this a free society or a religious oligarchy?

Community property might be fine for a man who makes his money shuffling papers at a desk job all day and wants to share the proceeds with his bought-and-paid-for Stepford Wife, but I dodged bullets for my money and don’t intend on sharing it with anyone. I wouldn’t be interested in a woman unless she had her own career and source of income anyway.

Lifetime commitments are only made by people who believe they can plan life.  I maintain no such illusions.  How silly will all the planning and money spent on cakes, flowers, dresses, and flying the whole family in look when, a few years down the line, the relationship ends, as most eventually do (extra probability points if your parents were divorced, like mine).

Who are the people who enforce the social institution of marriage?  Some men are born with silver spoons in their mouths.  Some men have plenty of time and resources to ‘play the field’ and ‘sow their wild oats’ during their youth.  Some men have the clout to get their ‘pick of the litter’ when finally choosing a lifetime mate.  Some men have a vested interest in stopping this game of socio-sexual musical chairs, even if you got the rickety chair that smells funny, or no chair at all.

How ironic that these men would be the captains of our society, enforcing their hypocritical morality upon us.  Clearly, they have no understanding of the plight of the lower classes.  Clearly, they do not know what it is like to have circumstances outside of one’s control choose their mate, just as circumstances outside of their control determined their job and fate.  The rich assume that everyone else has had the same opportunities as they have had, because they have known nothing different.

And thus, these men, who have had their fill at the buffet of life and love, see fit to tell us what to eat and how much, judging us morally when we fail to live up to their false upper-class standards.  So when they ask me why I haven’t tied the knot yet, I respond by asking them:  How can the common man, whose decisions are made for him by his social ‘betters’, ever see fit to give up one of the few freedoms he has left: the freedom of association, the freedom of love?  Why would anyone voluntarily agree to a proposition that seems so doomed to failure from the start?  Why would anyone subject themselves to the terms of a non-negotiable contract, or even believe that such an agreement were necessary to have with someone they truly loved?  If my boss gets to decide what I wear, what I do all day, how to divvy the proceeds of my labor, and even what I can and cannot put into my own body, why would I voluntarily give up any more freedom than that which has already been taken from me?  Sorry sweetheart, I would symbolically surrender my freedom for the sake of our love, but alas there is no more freedom left to give.

This isn’t to say that I am against monogamous commitment for as long as it can be maintained.  I’m also not against making a public announcement that two people are a couple.  Even a wedding or other religious love ceremony is fine.  Just keep the big men with guns out of it.  A marriage contract is just a legal agreement that says if shit doesn’t work out, big men with guns come and take half your shit.  There is no need to get big men with guns involved in your relationship.  There’s no need for marriage to carry any legal aspect.  That it does reflects the bias of our legal system.  Why do people always feel the need to call the police into their personal affairs?

Or, suffice to say that I love strongly, but despise the idea of the church, the government, or money playing any kind of role in my relationship.  Some things are supposed to be sacred.

-Religious Freedom: for some-

Sometimes, people tell me I should feel grateful to live in a country where we are free to worship God in any way we choose.  These statements always burn me from the inside out, like acid in my veins.

People mistake their personal situation for the general situation.  They think that, because they are free, the entire country is free.  The truth is, if you are a white Christian of a recognized denomination, you ARE free to practice your religion in America.  But if you choose a different faith, there’s a gun butt to your jaw and a dank, dirty jail cell waiting for you.

In Rastafari culture, there is a very important religious ceremony known as a ‘Reasoning’.  A reasoning is a simple event where the Rastas gather; smoke ganja; and discuss ethical, social and religious issues.  Many people do this in America as well, without even realizing it is a sacred religious ritual.  Unfortunately, reasoning is illegal in America.

There exists in America a similar custom which is tolerated by the law.  It’s called ‘Holy Communion’.  A Holy Communion is a simple event where the Christians gather, drink alcohol, and discuss ethical, social, and religious issues.  Sound familiar?

My question is: What is the difference between the Communion and the Reasoning?  If your mind is free of prejudice, there is no difference.  But the bigots that comprise the ‘powers that be’ will always try to ‘teach’ you by installing their prejudice in your mind.

They say that cannabis is an evil plant that has no spiritual value, but my life experience says otherwise.  These old eyes have personally witnessed the mystical effects of cannabis on the hearts and minds of my fellow humanity.  I have seen ganja impart empathy and conscience to those who previously had none.  Cannabis has transformed simpletons and petty materialists into theologians with complex philosophical ideas.  Ganja has awakened the spirit of individualism and free thinking in those who were previously hard-coded robots.  It has broadened the perspectives of many, and turned those who partook into better people than they were before they tried it.

Do you ever wonder why hippies care about the environment?  Its because they have been reminded of their responsibility to it through the smoking of the sacred herb. Some people don’t smoke cannabis, and instead prefer alcohol.  These tend to be the ones who care nothing of the fate of humanity.  They are cut off and numb to the world, and spiritually dead inside.

Not to bag on alcohol too much, we all need a drink now and then, but I’m tired of this commonly propagated lie that alcohol is harmless and cannabis has no value.  They say that cannabis is a petty escape from reality.  That may be true of alcohol, but not of the sacred herb.  Cannabis is a mild psychedelic.  It is not an escape from reality, and anyone who uses it with that intention will be sorely disappointed.  Cannabis amplifies reality.  And if you have any skeletons in your closet, cannabis will shove them right in your face.  That is why the evil ones cannot partake in it.

There is a saying amongst potheads: “Man made beer, and God made pot.  God is perfect, man is not.”

But whatever your opinions of cannabis and alcohol are, there is one argument you must consider:  The first amendment to the Constitution says that the government cannot prohibit anyone from the free exercise of their religion. Considering the fact that many religions view cannabis as a sacrament (including certain sects of Christianity), shouldn’t this make anti-pot laws unconstitutional?

Why should some denominations of Christianity be able to get together on Sunday, drink alcohol, say that it is a sacrament that helps them commune with the Holy Spirit, and that’s fine with the law. But if a Gnostic or Rastafarian church wants to do the same thing with pot, its a crime? Is this not a clear cut case of religious discrimination, and a government that prohibits the free exercise of one religion while legally respecting another?

Sadly, the pro-cannabis religions are a tiny minority, and their rights are swept under the rug. The problem is, anyone who isn’t directly effected by prohibition could really give a rat’s ass about someone else’s rights. People who aren’t effected by an unjust law are not going to fight it on general principle. Johnny Wasp, as he sips his wine after church, doesn’t care at all that the government violates the civil liberties of Rastafarians by locking them up for pot. It doesn’t effect him.

And our Supreme Court, composed of Justices who are supposedly our wise and uncorruptable social and intellectual betters, doesn’t give a rat’s ass either.  They are so Eurocentric that they cannot even comprehend why cannabis could be considered a religious sacrament.  And they are further motivated by psychological evidence that suggests pot users are more sympathetic to certain political causes.  Political causes that the Justice’s wealthy constituents view as a threat (ie- socialism).  Once again, capitalism trumps religion in America.

We live in a country where selfishness is our only principal. With that weak of a foundation, of course minority rights will be trampled by the ensconced majority culture. If it were THEIR church being raided with SWAT teams and THEIR holy sacrament confiscated, there would be a countrywide revolution the next day. But they could give a fuck if it happens to their neighbor, whose unconventional beliefs seem weird, scary, and mockable.

The truth is, the persecution of cannabis users is just a small part of a much bigger plot to completely eliminate certain trains of thought from the minds of humanity.  This coincides with the systematic genocide of the world’s indigenous cultures.  Religions have existed for millenia that consider certain plants sacred and holy.  Then, the white man stole their land and made their culture against the law.

But the genocide of the Native American and other indigenous races isn’t enough for the American Government. They also feel the need to completely eliminate indigenous cultures from American society. They won’t be satisfied until the last member of these races is dead, and all records of their culture’s existence is destroyed.  They do not want these cultures’ ideas to ‘pollute’ our minds and jeopardize the control that our leaders have over us.

The last thing the ‘powers that be’ want is for members of their own race to convert to these alien ways of thinking.  Thus, they do not recognize the rights of white people to partake in the cultures of other races.  This runs contrary to our country’s professed ideals of many races and cultures coexisting harmoniously.

We live in a multicultural melting pot society, which means that different people living beside eachother will eventually adopt eachother’s customs. Although I am white, I am not strictly the product of white society. MTV and the public school system raised me, just as much as my parents did.

I see American society as a kind of cultural buffet. As an American citizen, I feel entitled to pick and choose which cultural customs to adopt personally. Thus, its unfair for the government or anyone else to say that I am not a Rasta, just because I am white. To me, a person who decides to follow a particular religion is a legitimate practitioner of said religion, regardless of race or cultural heritage. If a fat, rich white kid from New Jersey truly believes in Rasta ideals, then he IS a Rasta.

Sadly, the religious organizations controlled by indigenous races are so scarred by the white man’s transgressions, they tend to distrust us.  This is exemplified by my quest to consume and understand the mystical and hallucinogenic catcus known as Peyote.

I tried everywhere to get this stuff.  No one cold get it.  Not hippies, not gangstas, not even the Mafia!  Finally, I came to the conclusion that the only person who could hook me up was a real bonafide Native American.

So I went to their churches, and got the door slammed in my face many times.  I asked Native Americans that I knew in every day life to let me in, and they angrily spurned my attempts.

Eventually, I got close enough to one of these guys to get him to really talk to me about it.  But he was still reluctant to take me to his tribe’s peyote ceremony.  When I asked him why, he would always respond:

“Its ours.  Its not for your kind.”

But he knew that I was sensitive to the Native Americans’ plight, and he knew I understood that their race was dying.  And so I said to him:

“If you don’t share your culture with me, then it dies with you.”

Understanding that all I wanted was to understand, he let me into the inner circle.  Realizing that I was truly with them in Spirit, my friend and his tribe allowed me to partake.  And I learned much wisdom that I will never forget, and carry with me into the world at large.

By converting followers of different races, the Native Americans can ensure that their culture lives on, even if their race dies out. One of the great things about culture is that it outlives the people who create it.  Unfortunately, Rastafarians can be victim to this same paranoia about white people, but I have won their trust as well in times past.

The knowledge that curiosity about other peoples’ ways of thinking has given me has transformed me into a much better person than I used to be.   And I credit both that and my complex understanding of theology to the consumption of entheogenic substances.  So you’re never going to convince me that  these chemicals don’t have spiritual value.

Instead, I will know that I am oppressed, and that Freedom of Religion in this country is a lie and a sham.  It is yet another benefit of conformity that belongs to everyone else but me and the people I care about.  I will know that I am a slave to a system which does not just try to control my body, but my mind and soul as well.  I will know that not only my behavior, but my very way of thinking is being controlled by a crooked organization that is trying to fuck me and everyone else.  And I will know that this is bullshit.

And whenever someone congratulates me on living in the Land of the Free where everything is gorgeous and rosy, I will always feel a mixture of both sadness and anger in my heart.


-Any children you have will be used against you-

Ever wonder why Republicans just love to talk about “family values” and why you should never get an abortion?  It’s because children make for great political leverage.  They want people to have kids, because a father or mother is easier to control than an individual with no offspring.  A person once willing and able to stand up for their rights will inevitably, upon becoming a parent, bend over and allow the government to rip their rectal lining to shreds with its spiked, rusty dildos.

And you can’t really blame the parents.  After all, human beings have deep-seated paternal and maternal instincts.  And this is a psychological weakness that Republicans are the masters of exploiting for fun and profit!

First, they convince you to have kids, then, you become their slave.  This is how it works:  When you are young, they bombard you with media and advertising brimming with sexual overtones, which makes you horny as a dog in heat.  They tell you to hold it in, and that abstinence works when it has been proven, repeatedly, to FAIL.  They do not tell you about condoms or the pill.  When you finally give into your natural urges, you are too ignorant or brainwashed to use protection, and then the miracle of conception happens!

You try to go to a clinic to take care of the problem, but an angry mob of protestors chases you away with scary pictures of aborted fetuses.  Your conservative parents tell you: “Sure, you can get an abortion.  But after that, we will disown you.  Forget about college or having a future.”  And so, defeated, you decide, under duress, to carry the pregnancy to term.  Of course, your parents will tell all their friends at the country club how proud they are of you for “deciding” to have the child “of your own volition”.  Your parents are pleased as punch that this unwanted pregnancy happened, because it gives them power over you that they would have otherwise lost on your 18th birthday, and saves them the horrible pain of empty nest syndrome.

At this point you are utterly screwed.  You are obligated to your parents for supporting you, you are obligated to whatever employment you can find, no matter how poorly they treat you, and you are obligated to this mewling, worthless, incomplete person that is the fruit of your loins.  You have no choice but to do what you’re told, fall in line, and “go straight”.  Because otherwise, the ass you risk is not your own, but your child’s.  And who is going to risk their child’s ass?

Soon, you will be voting Republican, because they want to give you a child tax break, despite the fact that every child is a tax burden and giving people tax breaks for having children makes utterly no fiscal sense.  If anything, people with children should have to pay MORE taxes.  Public school isn’t free.  There are too many people in the world and not enough resources, and the last thing the government should be doing is encouraging overpopulation by handing out child tax credits.

After a few years of having kids, you will throw away all of your bongs, sex toys, and heavy metal albums because the conservatives will convince you that they could “corrupt your children”.  Then, because you are jealous of all the childless people having a good time without you, you will support conservative-backed legislation to outlaw all of these things because they don’t “promote family values”.

And family values will become so important to you that any politician who champions these values will get a free pass on all of his other policies.  You won’t even notice the war they start in some foreign country halfway around the world, because you will be too busy empathizing with Sarah fucking Palin for being such a strong working mom, just like you.

And as the war drags on and on, guess who will be fighting and dying in it?  That’s right.  The same kids those Republicans convinced you to have, or else you would go to Hell for aborting them.  Apparently, population control in the form of birth control or abortion is a mortal sin, but once that kid is 18, sending him off to die in some pointless war so the DOW Jones Average will go up a point or two is fair game.  I read that Sarah Palin’s oldest son is joining the military.  With any luck, both of his legs will be blown off in Afghanistan by an IED, and he’ll return home to no benefits.  We’ll see how Republican he is then.  The suicide rate is 4 times higher for veterans.  You gotta like those odds.

And businesses love to hire family men too, because it makes them that much easier to manipulate in the workplace.  “Can you work late tonight, Charlie?  Of course you can!  Because if you don’t, you’re fired and your children will DIE of STARVATION because YOU’RE A WORTHLESS DEADBEAT PARENT.  Now get back to work, maggot.”

And if you ever do try to have a little fun, don’t let word of it get around to Child Protective Services.  They will raid your house, find your stash, and tell you that if you don’t narc out your supplier, they will take your children away!  Oh No!  So then you become an informant against the Mafia and end up being fitted for a nice new pair of cement shoes at the bottom of the river.

Of course, not all children are conceived accidentally.  Some people actually have the audacity to CHOOSE to conceive, rather than adopting one of the many starving orphans all over the world.  This is, of course, completely based in selfish desires.  Nobody wants to raise someone else’s child.  They want to have THEIR child with THEIR DNA, because THEIR child will be the best child EVER.  THEIR child will be Jesus, Vishnu, and Buddha all rolled into one.  And they will be able to mold it in their own image and dress it however they want, just like the dolls their conservative parents bought for them as children.

They want to have THEIR child, because he will be the best at sports, win 5 Grammy’s, be the first man on Mars, and solve all the world’s political problems someday.  And then they will bombard you with pictures of their children and mundane stories about how great they are.  “Maybe someday you’ll be selfless enough to bring a life into this world,” they’ll say.  They neglect to mention the fact that you are the one paying for their child’s education and healthcare, despite having had nothing to do with the conception of that child.

FUCK YOU SARAH PALIN.  We all know it wasn’t your daughter’s choice to keep the baby.  We all know Karl Rove put a gun to her head.  We all know it was the Republican Party that made that choice for her, just like they would love to make it for the entire country, if they could.

But it’s OK though, because when Bristal Palin’s baby turns out to be a complete fuckup due to the poor circumstances in which it was raised, you will be able to cut it off and kick it out of the house at age 18, because that’s what conservative parents do when their kids don’t turn out they way they’d hoped.  It’s called “Tough Love”.

Sarah Palin, you smarmy, smug, catty fucking bitch.  You are nothing more than a Republican Hillary, and that’s a double negative.  .

The Enemy

I’ve seen an infinite source of energy
Used to decimate our enemy
I’ve seen rockets that could reach the depths of space
We spat them in our enemy’s face
I’ve seen wealth that belonged to me and you
Appropriated by a selected few
I’ve seen speakers of truth crucified
By those who would rather believe in lies
Between Angels and Demons, Heaven and Hell
Our greatest enemy is ourselves.

The Libertarians

Here’s some more old writing I’ve resurrected.  I wrote these dialogues in 2004.  Enjoy.

The Libertarians

by J. Tourdet

Father: Well, son, it looks like its time for you to go out into the real world. I can’t provide for you any longer.
Son: But Dad, I’m only 6 years old!
Father: That sounds like a personal problem to me. Your problems are not my responsibility. You will have to survive on your own merit.
Son: But Dad, I don’t even know how to read! You wouldn’t even let me attend public school!
Father: Public schools are for Communists, son.


Son: Gee, Dad it sure is too bad that the judge court ordered you to take care of me until I’m 18.
Father: Its a travesty of justice that the judge won’t let me do what I want to with the fruits of my own labor- ie: you.
Son: well, I guess you will have to abide by their decision. It is the law, after all.
Father: We’ll see about that, son.
Son: Hey, Dad, where are you going with that AK47 and a map to the judge’s house?
Father: The second amendment is a viable check to the government’s power, son.


Son: What are you doing with that bucket of oil, Dad?
Father: Why, I’m setting it on fire, son.
Son: Isn’t that kind of a waste?
Father: It’s my oil to waste, son. The fact that I’m burning this oil does not prevent some guy in Somalia from burning oil in his own garage.
Son: Dad, our house is on fire!
Father: It’s my house to burn, son.


Son: Dad, our house is on fire!! Don’t you think we should call the fire department?
Father: That would be immoral, son. The fire department was established with public funds garnished from people’s wages. Why should we make them pay for the fact that our house is on fire?
Son: So what do we do?
Father: We’ll just have to put the fire out ourselves, son.
Firefighter: Would you like some help putting out your house fire? We might still be able to save some of it.
Father: Get off the charred remains of my lawn, you Commie bastard.


Son: Why do we have to live in your car now, Dad? Didn’t you have home insurance?
Father: The government is always trying to force me to insure things… my car, my house. What a ripoff! Its basically just a government enforced protection racket! Not only that, but our rates go up because of other people’s stupidity! The whole thing smacks of the Red Menace to me.
Son: Well, if we’re gonna live in your car, can we at least park it on the street?
Father: Public roads are for Communists, son.


Son: Dad, I fell off the swingset and I think I broke my leg! We need to get to the hospital!
Father: I’m afraid I don’t have the money or health insurance to pay for a doctor, son.
Son: Can’t we just go to the free clinic down the street?
Father: That would be immoral, son. Those clinics are paid for with money collected by force from hardworking people. Why should they have to pay for your mistakes? Nope, I’m afraid we’ll have to fix this ourselves. My diagnosis: amputation.
Son: But I don’t want to have my leg amputated!!!!
Father: Its the only way, son. Now bite down on this paint stick while I go get the chainsaw.


Son: If Communisim is so ineffective, then how come the Russians were the first people in space?
Father: They may have been the first, but we did it the right way: using capitalism.
Son: I don’t understand, Dad. I thought that NASA was publicly funded.
Father: Come to think of it, you’re right, son. We should set up our own space mission, libertarian style!
Son: How are we going to do that without the cooperation and funding of millions of people?
Father: We don’t need all that, son. Just go sit on that keg of dynamite in the backyard. Liftoff will be in ten minutes.


Son: Dad, can I ride the merry go round?
Father: No, you can’t, son.
Son: But that kid is riding it!
Father: Well, he had a quarter and you don’t.
Son: Why should he have the power to ride the merry go round just because he has a quarter and I don’t?
Father: Money is not power, nor does it entail privlege. It just allows certain people to have and do things that others cannot.


Father: Here’s your lunch money, son.
Son: This isn’t money!! These are just carved wooden figurines of Michael Jackson!!
Father: Yeah, I spent a whole day’s worth of human productive effort on those. They have to be worth something.
Son: But how will I use them to get food?
Father: See if you can trade them for food. But don’t accept any cash, though. Federal Reserve notes are for Communists.


Son: Dad, you’re always ruining my life. Maybe I should kill you in your sleep.
Father: That would be a violation of my natural rights, son.
Son: What the hell is a natural right?
Father: Natural rights are rights intrinsic to all people. Everyone is born with natural rights, such as the right to live. We call them ‘natural’ rights, because they come from nature.
Son: What the hell are you talking about? Our dog is always trying to kill our cat! Last week he bit off the cat’s leg!
Father: That cat is a commie, son. The dog is justified in wanting to eat it. Besides, why should it be the dog’s problem that the cat can’t run fast enough?


Son: I think I’m gonna go live with the neighbors. They aren’t crazy libertarians like you, Dad.
Father: No. You cannot choose to live with them. They are commies. You are not allowed to choose communism. Thats how libertarianism works; its all based on mutual consent and freedom of choice.
Son: Screw you, I’m gonna live with them anyway.
Father: Fine, but their commie system is bound to collapse!! And if it doesn’t, I will start a war with them to ensure that it does!


Son: Its great that you’ve decided to hire a chauffer Dad, but why did you hire a blind man?
Father: I can hire whoever I want. Its my car and my money.
Son: But he doesn’t even have a liscense to drive!!
Father: Liscense??? That sounds like a bunch of government red tape to me!
Son: But you can’t expect him to drive safely!!! He’s freakin blind!!
Father: Laws against blind people driving are discriminatory and selective. Your lack of support for equal rights disgusts me, son.

Debeers, Artificial Scarcity, and the Drug War

“If you look at the effect that the law has on the price of narcotics, it is clear that the function of the law is to protect the Cartels.” – Milton Freidman, Nobel Prize winning economist

In order to understand the Drug War, a good place to start would be the diamond industry.

Did you know that diamonds are actually worthless?  Their value is created by manufacturing an artificial scarcity.  A company called Debeers has a virtual monopoly on all diamond mining.  Not only that, they have the world’s largest reserves of diamonds locked in a huge underground vault in Europe.

If you understand the basic economics of the inversely proportional relationship between supply and demand, then its obvious why Debeers hoards all these diamonds:  to release them all to the market at once would be devastating to the price of the product.  Basically, as supply goes down, price goes up, and vice versa.

And thus we have the hallmark of late-stage capitalism: the commoditization of goods once freely and readily available via the manufacturing of an artificial scarcity that forces the consumer to pay more for the product.

Bottled water is a classic example of this.  Water used to be free.  Then, water supplies became polluted.  Now, you have to pay for purified water, being sold by the some of the same companies that polluted the water supply in the first place.  They create a problem, then sell you the solution.  The treatment is always more profitable than the cure.

The same thing is happening with the drug war.  At one point in time, drugs were freely available.  If not for the interference of governments backed by big business, drugs would grow everywhere.  They would grow out of the cracks in the sidewalk.  People could quite easily grow poppy, coca, and cannabis in their own gardens, and these plants would essentially become worth about as much as tomatoes, bananas, or any other easy-to-cultivate agricultural product.

The government often calls its actions against the drug supply “eradication efforts”.  It would be more appropriate to call them “scarcity efforts”.  Because the goal of these operations is not to eradicate the crops, but only to make them more scarce.  If the most powerful governments in the world wanted to erradicate a plant, I assure you that they easily could.  Erradication isn’t the point: the point is control of the supply, control of where the money goes, and, most importantly, creating an artificial scarcity that makes these crops worth trillions instead of pennies.

NATO’s newest opium erradication effort is a classic example of what I’m saying.  Notice, they aren’t going after the opium farmers, they are only going after the labs within Afghanistan that turn raw opium into heroin.  They don’t want to screw with opium farmers who ship their raw product to European countries like Turkey to be processed into heroin and distributed by the Eurpoean cartels.  They just want to cut the Afghanis out.  They aren’t trying to erradicate the supply, they are just trying to control it.

The entire purpose of the drug war is to take a product worth pennies and make it a product worth trillions by creating an artificial scarcity.  That is the one and only purpose of the drug war.  And all these “sheeple” voters who think that the Drug War is for the purpose of saving their precious children from the jaws of addiction are simply being duped.  I would feel sorry for them if I weren’t so disgusted by the bigotry in their hearts that makes them willing to put non-violent drug offenders in jail for no morally justifiable reason.

And thus, in trying to convince these types of people that the drug war is bad for humanity, I have abandoned moralist and idealistic arguments in favor of more effective appeals to their self interest.  We must explain to these people, how much the drug war costs them personally.  Even if you’ve never done drugs and have no intention of doing them, the Drug War still hurts you.  Its a huge tax burden, its a social injustice that causes civil unrest in the homeland, and it exposes us to national security risks by effectively shipping hundreds of billions annually to our worst foreign enemies.  If not for prohibition, this money could stay within our country.

Obituary for Michael Jackson

Originally posted on June 26th, 2009:

Yeah, that’s right.  I like to kick ’em when they’re down…

This morning when I woke up, I couldn’t help but notice that the grass was a little greener, and the sky was a little bluer.  Everything smelled and tasted better.  It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  Why, you ask?  Because Michael Jackson is DEAD!!!  WOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Put on ‘Thriller’, I’m ready to dance!

If I were to say something like:  “Michael Jackson represents the complete failure of Western Society, and that his popularity and success is a depressingly poignant reminder of the depths of human stupidity, and the failure of Freedom, Capitalism, and Democracy,” you might think I was being a little melodramatic.

But consider this:  When I was a child in the 1980’s, Michael Jackson RAPED ME (with bad music).  Can you imagine what it would be like to NOT be a Michael Jackson fan in the 80’s?  I was utterly screwed.  That shit was everywhere.  You couldn’t NOT listen to it.  There was no escape from the bad taste of millions of people.  I remember when, in some misguided attempt to make school relevant to 80’s youth, THEY MADE US SING AND DANCE TO CRAPPY MICHAEL JACKSON MUSIC AGAINST OUR WILL!  AND FILMED IT!!!  (thank Jesus that those video tapes were all destroyed in Hurricane Ivan).  Seriously though, forcing a child who hates Michael Jackson to sing and dance to his terrible music is probably a far worse crime than forcing an Athiest child to say “one nation under God” while reciting the Pledge of Allegience.  Sadly, the Supreme Court did not get involved in my case.

Because of the prevalence of “artists” like Michael Jackson, my first impression of what humans call “music” was not a positive one. Truly, Pop is the NewSpeak of music.  Suppress the good music and relentlessly promote the bad music, and soon people will forget that music can be anything other than synthesized theatrically contrived meaningless drivel.  It wasn’t until 1992, when Nirvana broke through the suburban barrier, that I realized that music didn’t have to be over-produced, meaningless, false-idol worship.

By 1996, if you asked someone what kind of music they liked, and they responded “Michael Jackson”, you knew that there was something seriously wrong with that person.  MJ was such a symbol of the 80’s, Reaganomics, the Cold War: he truly was the embodiment of one of the most tasteless, opulent, destructively decadent time periods in American culture.  He had no credibility in the 90’s.

But even when I moved on to better tunes, the threat of Michael’s music was still ubiquitous.  Relatives from the backwoods, who thought it was still the 80’s would send me his CD’s every Christmas and birthday.  “Here you go little J”, they said,”Here’s some of that dang ol Michael Jackson.  You should listen to this with all your friends.  You’ll be gettin all the girls with these jams.”

Thank God for CD Warehouse, where I would trade this crap in for $5 a CD, so I could go around the corner and buy smack cut with Tylenol PM, which I felt was very effective in helping me escape from a cruel world where Michael Jackson can get away with raping an entire generation.

But Michael, being the liscense whore that he is, expanded his product lines into everything.  At one point I was even given (or maybe I earned it with Pepsi points) the Michael Jackson Moonwalker video game, which bordeom and a sense of camp value caused me to play all the way through.

In this video game, MJ’s job is to rescue little kids from an evil crime boss, but in hindsight it was probably the evil crime boss doing the rescuing.  To anyone who is wondering how the hell Michael Jackson could possibly beat up a whole nightclub full of gangsters, well, it turns out the MJ is himself a gangster:  A magical gangster who draws his power from shooting stars.  Using his special ability forced all the other gangsters on the screen to start dancing like Jackson, then at the end of the song they all die for some reason.  This is much like the way I was forced to dance like MJ in my youth, except unfortunately I didn’t die when the song ended.  Also, I remember if you got the right powerups in the right order, MJ would turn into a Robot that could shoot lasers from his eyes.  Then, he would turn into a spaceship for the final battle with Mr Big piloting a robo-mecha-spider.  yes, apparently Michael Jackson possesses the ability to turn into a spaceship.

And I’m tired of hearing all this crap about how Jackson was good for race relations because he had “crossover” appeal.  Let me tell you something:  white people were perfectly capable of enjoying black music before Michael Jackson.  Actually, I find some of Jackson’s videos in the 80’s to be purely blaxploitive.  “Smooth Criminal”, “Beat It”, “Bad”, “Dangerous” all featured Jackson acting like a gangster, though i suspect that child star Michael had never even been within a mile of a gangster.  All of these videos depicted and promoted the most negative black stereotypes, all for the benefit of Jackson’s precious image.  This man literally sold out his culture for his own glory and wealth.  And then in the 90’s he tried to redeem himself by smashing up that car in that superbowl video, then morphing into a black panther and leaping away.  WTF was that?   Even my pro-MJ hillbilly relatives were scared and confused by that performance.

Michael Jackson’s success and popularity have seriously shaken my faith in Freedom, Democracy, and Capitalism.  Let me just say, that if people were intelligent and had good taste, Capitalism, Freedom, and Democracy might just work.  But people are stupid and have horrible taste, and thus, they will EAT SHIT and LIKE IT as long as it is marketed to them correctly.  The scary thing is, this applies to politicians just as much as it does to musicians.  Jackson’s life is also a great example of how everything is for sale in America.  You too can get away with molesting little boys…  for the right price you pay to their fathers out of court.

One reporter lamented that Michael Jackson’s death meant the Death of Pop Music.  God, I hope he’s right.  I’m so happy that, for once in my lifetime, the CRAPPY musical Artists (BackStreet Boys, Lindsay Lohan, etc…) have lost one of their Idols.  Hopefully this loss will demoralize them to the point where they can no longer put out their crappy music.  It is a serious cosmic injustice to me that we lost Cobain, Morrison, Lane Staley, Lennon, Tupac, Hendrix, Biggie, and a whole bunch of other great musicians at such a young age, but we had to wade through 50 years of paparazzi tabloid filth to see Michael Jackson die.  My question is simply this:  How much brilliant talent has gone overlooked and unappreciated by the unified corporate media system so that Michael Jackson could hog the spotlioght for 30 uneccesary years?

But I must say, though I am enjoying the media circus surrounding his death, particularly the emergence of conspiracy theories and speculation about how long it will take his face to decay (plastic lasts 1,000 years, right?), what I’m really anticipating is the time coming in the very near future where I will no longer have to hear ANYTHING about Michael Jackson.  I won’t have to hear his crappy music, I won’t have to hear about his sham marriages, botched plastic surgeries, child molestation and abuse, bubbles the chimp, or any of that shit EVER AGAIN.  There will only be silence, blessed silence.  Because Michael Jackson is one of those musicians who makes the value of silence go through the roof.

So if you see me on 6th Street tonight, I will be wasted and singing Michael Jackson songs, giving the man’s work one last hoorah before I gleefully close the door on this terrible moment in American culture FOREVER.  I just wish I could moonwalk on his grave.

PS:  To all my black friends…  We’re still cool, right?  What, too soon?