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The Bible is the Warren Report of the Roman Empire

(This was originally published on Easter, but is always applicable)

Well it was Easter this weekend.  I totally forgot about this until Sunday, when I went to do my grocery shopping for the week at my small town grocery store.  I thought it was odd that the parking lot was totally empty and the lights were off.  Then I noticed a sign on the front door that said: “Closed.  Happy Easter.”

Happy Easter…  unless you can’t get any any FOOD!  WTF?

OK, first let me preface this rant by saying that I am a great admirer of Jesus Christ.  I think he was a great guy, I have a lot of respect for his personal philosophy, and I seek to emulate his behavior in my own life.

However, even though Christ himself was awesome, the religion that mankind has built around his legacy is complete and utter garbage.  This is so apparent in the holiday that Christians call Easter.  I mean, the whole thing is just a slap in the face to everything Jesus stood for.  They took his assassination and made it a fucking holiday, what a bad, tasteless joke.  And the whole thing is CRUX to Christians, because this is the event that gets them off the hook for all their own sins, evil, and lies.

Once, a Christian asked me if I feared the “coming judgment” of Christ.  I said no, because I am innocent.  To which the Christian responded: “No one is innocent until they have been washed clean by the blood of Christ.”

So let me get this straight here:  You bathe in the blood of your God’s dead son, and you think that this somehow makes you clean?  That is some fucked up, twisted shit!  I know Satanists whose ideas are a lot less perverted than that!  But that is the way a lot of Christian people think.  The crux of their philosophy is, basically: “Some guy died 2,000 years ago so that I can be an asshole today.”  Here’s an idea: instead of performing these empty rituals in order to convince yourself that you are forgiven for your sins, why not try to actually BE A GOOD PERSON?  In other words, WWJD?

I mean seriously, to take a good person like Jesus and basically make him responsible for all the world’s sin and lies is just sick.  The whole thing is just a huge cop out for the bad behavior of humanity.  I mean, how the Hell does it logically follow that Jesus’s execution absolves humanity of its sins?  I mean, God’s son comes to visit Earth, the locals pop him off, and that somehow gets them OUT of trouble?  If anything, I would think it would be the other way around!  This “Jesus died for you” shit sounds to me like an excuse that was concocted by Jesus’s murderers.  1800 years ago, the Roman government handed down the proclamation:

“Jesus died for you.”

Don’t you mean that YOU KILLED JESUS FOR ME?

“No,” they say, “That had to happen.  Wasn’t our choice.”

Bullshit.  Jesus didn’t die for me, he lived for me, until a bunch of assholes had him killed.  Don’t try to paint over the truth with his blood.  The Bible is the Warren Report of the Roman Empire: Its the story of Jesus Christ as told by the same government that had him whacked.

And when they compiled the bible 200 years later, they took all the texts written about Jesus that supported their world view and made them canonical.  Then they took all the texts that were incendiary, or revolutionary, or inconvenient to Roman rule, anything that would have opened peoples’ minds and made them harder to control, they took all that shit and burned it.  And anyone that tried to keep copies of those documents for preservation, they executed.  How Christian.

And what does the Christian bible imply about God?  I’d say it implies that he was a pretty ineffective ruler.  Have you ever read the Old Testament?  Is it just me, or does God kind of come off as an asshole in that thing?  He was always smiting people and handing down these ridiculous and impossible-to-follow rules…  What a dick!

“Don’t have sex with more than one person at a time, don’t steal, don’t kill,” says God.

“But God,” you say, “Why did you give me a mind and body that wants to fuck everything that moves?  Why did you put so much wealth in the hands of psychotic assholes who by their insensitive actions beg to be killed and robbed?”

“I didn’t do that,” says God, “Satan did.”

“Well who created Satan, asshole?”

Seriously, if Satan really does exist, I feel sorry for him.  It seems to me as though he was a scapegoat for all of God’s mistakes.  But then God had a son, and now Jesus fills the role of scapegoat.  So basically, God gave Jesus Satan’s crappy job.

I would say that the Bible implies that God was a pretty shitty parent.

“Hey, Son, its about time you started to pick up your end of the family business.  You see, I created this guy named Satan a while back.  He got a little out of control and now things are all screwed up.  Would you please kill him for me?  Oh yeah, and I also created all these humans on a planet called Earth.  Satan got up in there and corrupted them, and now the place is a total mess.  Would you please go down there and clean all that shit up?”

Basically, I think that Christianity implies that children only exist to serve their parents.  No wonder Christians are such shitty parents: look at the example they have to go by!  They worship a God who killed his only son as some kind of sacrifice so that the world’s population can continue its orgy of killing, greed, and sin.  What does Christianity imply about parenting?  “Have a bunch of kids and put them to work on your farm.”  What a bunch of self indulgent bullshit.  This is what people mean when they say that Christians are “socially backwards”.  They believe that youth exists to serve age, when really it should be the other way around.

Look at the holiday of Lent.  You’re supposed to fast, and then Easter comes along and you can eat again!  Why?  Because after a short period of self-denial in tribute to him, Jesus is finally dead now, and we can all go back to being assholes again!  Yay!  The bosses’ kid is gone!  Lets throw a party on the company dime!

The whole thing is just disgusting and hypocritical, and I…  just can’t take it any more.

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About nonya beeznas

A little light in the darkness.

One response to “The Bible is the Warren Report of the Roman Empire

  1. Pingback: Spirit Science: The Chaotic Infinity of Spirit Temporarily Incarnate in a Deterministic System | The Truth

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